That is cabeceo – an invitation done by eye contact. That is the way people do here in Buenos Aires, at least still in some traditional milongas that I know. It sounds rather easy and simple. But I think it’s not so easy (especially to those who has never done that before or to those who is lack of self-confident) and it’s quite complex. To have a cabeceo happened so easy and simple as I described above, most of the time the two dancers must already know each other or have danced together before. If one is new to the milonga/community, cabeceo is never that simple and easy, especially if he/she wants to dance with some popular milongueros or milongueras. By the way, there are always some easy-going dancers in the milonga – either they like dancing with newcomers, or they are not as good as other dancers so they would get whoever is available. With these dancers, cabeceo is rather simple, you look at them and if they catch your eyes, usually they would love to dance with you.

* Cabeceo is not only limited to man inviting woman to dance. Woman also invites man to dance. Woman can also nods to the man to ask for a dance. Both work and are completely acceptable.

The fact is, little things or tricks are done before a real cabeceo. These kind of tricks or tips are just means of communication. The purpose is to make a person looks at you so that you can carry out your invitation by cabeceo. The followings are few that I experienced or used myself, or I heard from other dancers.

A hello to the person that you want to dance with
To make a person alerts your existence in the milonga, nothing is better than making a first step by saying hello to that person. Usually people won’t specially go in front of a person to do so, they would do it when they pass by that person’s table, or after the tanda when they come across with the targeted person. It could be as simple as “hola! Como estas?” (Hello! How are you doing?) Or it could be a bit more aggressive “hola! Me llamo ___. Quiero bailar contigo.” (Hello! My name is ____. I would like to dance with you.) Or before you leave the milonga, go and say goodbye to that person. Usually the message is just to make that person notice you, so that you hope that he/she will look at you. The message should not be a mean to force the person to dance with you.

A smile or a blink
I do it and people do it to me very often, no matter we know each other or not. A smile or a blink can be sent at anytime. When you are dancing, you can send it when you pass in front of that person; or when you are sitting, that person passes in front of you. When both of you are on the dance floor, in between the songs, again, give that person a smile or a blink. And when you know the person and he/she is not far from you, a kiss or a hello. Anyway, this is something people do a lot here. It is a friendly gesture, and also a means to make your potential partner know that you are there.

Dance with the person next to that person
People gossip in the milonga, and it’s especially true when you’re dancing in a milonga where almost everybody knows each other. And milongueros/milongueras like to share information about other dancers, no matter they are good or bad. So another means to let a person knows about you is to dance with the people around him/her. And if you know who are his/her good friends in the milonga (usually they sit together), dance with his/her friends. By doing so you hope that the good things about you will reach him/her so that he/she will look at you afterwards. The effect can be very obvious, especially when people spread good words about you.

Mirada
I know people doing that in the milonga but I’m a bit shy to do so. Mirada is to look at a person regularly and constantly (almost every tanda and with a focus on that person), just to make him/her understands that you want to dance with him/her. The way of looking shouldn’t be offensive or aggressive. You don’t have to worry that the person might not notice you. If someone “mirada” you, you might not feel it right away, but after a while, you would notice that pair of eyes keep looking at you all the time. So actually it’s very effective to draw people’s attention.

A “trial” cabeceo
It happens to me once in a while. A person would look at me regularly, I would look back to him, but then he would not have any further action. Only after several times of looking back and forth in an evening, then finally he would finally make a real invitation. I take it as a trial or a test – a way for the man to confirm whether the lady would really like to dance with him or not. However, it might not be the way I think. Maybe the man would expect me to initiate the cabeceo first, but since I didn’t take the move, so he has to look back to me again and again. Or it could be a pure misunderstanding from my side, maybe he was looking at the lady next to me. Mis-cabeceo happens very often in a milonga, I will write about it in my next post.

1. Heels on the Floor
This is the most important among all, just because the heels can cause serious injuries. A stiletto high heel “steps” in your shoe or on your toes is already dangerous and can be quite painful, I don’t even talk about someone “steps” her stiletto heel on the upper part of your feet and hurts those small and sensitive nerves inside your feet, this kind of injury can stop you dancing for weeks. And I believe this kind of accident is almost 100% the responsibility of the followers. Ladies, you can blame your partner making you bump into somebody. You can also blame him when someone steps on you, but you can never blame him when you step on someone’s feet – it happens only because YOU LIFT YOUR HEEL UP when you dance, otherwise it would just be another bump. And for me, if a follower cannot even feel the difference between stepping on the floor and stepping on someone’s feet, she is NOT a good dancer. When a good follower feels her heel steps on something strange – in most cases that strange thing is someone’s feet, she would hold her step by NOT putting any weight on her heel. We cannot learn it in a tango class, but we have to learn how to do so because it is the only way to avoid hurting others on the dance floor. So ladies, when you are in a crowded milonga, to be friendly to your tango fellows, please keep your heels on the floor. If all the ladies do the same, everybody can have a much pleasant dancing time and can avoid from bleeding and having bruises.

2. Dancing Small
Yes, we ladies have to dance small too. Leader can lead small movements, but if a follower determines to make everything big and expressive, there’s no way he can stop her. So even though it sounds a bit strange, to make “dancing small” possible, the intention of dancing small from the follower is extremely important. Sometimes I heard complaints from Jean-Michel about ladies who like to do big movement and do big steps. He said navigating properly on the dance floor with these ladies is difficult. Thus if the follower has the mutual consensus with the leader to dance small together, and she makes her movement small and compact, it would make leader’s navigation job much easier.

Follower loves voleo and adornment. However, she has to make it very small and low (close to the dance floor) in a crowded milonga. Of course leader has the responsibility to make sure that there’s enough space for a voleo to be safely executed. But to avoid any accident like flying her leg to a table, or having her heel stretches someone’s dress or leaving a bruise on other’s leg, she better keeps her voleo on the floor and make it as compact as possible. I don’t remember many tango teachers tell me how to do small voleo that delivers as good feeling as a big one (it’s absolutely possible to deliver a voleo feeling to the leader without flying your leg). But hey ladies, that’s something we have to learn to make it on our own. As for the adornment, there’re many options besides kicking out and lifting the leg/feet up. The more we dance in a crowded milonga and the more you observe the seasoned milonguera’s dance (in a milonga or by watching video), you will have more ideas of how to make small, delicate and beautiful embellishment.

3. No Elbow Out
Have you ever being knocked by someone with his/her elbow in a milonga? I did, two times here in Buenos Aires, both hit on my head. Luckily, they were not big hits and not so painful (imagine they could be on my eye!). But my friend Rosana was not as lucky as I did. Someone knocked her head with his elbow in a milonga and she spent 2 days in the hospital and suffered from headache for days (thank god she recovered now! ) The advice of keeping our elbow IN is for BOTH follower and leader. I’m a small lady so definitely it matters more to me than to those who are big and tall. And I really hope that everybody (especially tall and big dancers) be more considerate in this matter. A thoughtless hit on someone’s head can cause injuries but not just simply pain and bruises. Leader should make sure his left elbow is pointing down to the dance floor; same applies to follower’s right elbow. Then follower should keep her left elbow close to the man’s body as much as possible. She can either put her arm on or around the man’s shoulder; or if she prefers to leave her arm next to the man’s right arm, she should make her elbow pointing down, not sticking it out.

Last but not the least, dance with someone who takes care of you well. This is very simple. If you see a man dancing with a lady, he doesn’t pay attention to the traffic and makes her bump into everybody. Ladies, do you think this person can take care of you well on the dance floor?

14 advices to dance socially in crowded milongas.

1. Do not dance when the floor gets messy.

A lot of milongueros have nothing to prove on the dance floor. They know how to dance small and how to milonguear. But like old sailors, when they feel the storm coming, they keep their ships in the harbor. We had a good example last Saturday at Cachirulo where during the worst hours of the night most milongueros remained seated.

2. Dance with a partner who can milonguear.

Last Saturday, Cacho pointed out to me an Asian girl and told me that he would never invite her on such a crowded floor. The reason was that she can’t help kicking her feet high any time she is doing a boleo or an embellishment. I have been always cautious myself and I usually don’t invite a woman to dance if I’m not confident I can navigate the floor safely with her.

3. Leader, face the outside wall.

This rule comes from my own dancing experience and a careful observation of the milongueros. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that they dance, most of the time, facing the outside wall, slightly angled to their left side. From this position and they initiate most of their moves. As illustrated on the drawing below, in a milonga where the rules are respected, a safe, if limited, zone gets created that I call the “free zone” (in yellow). From the “free zone”, the leader can initiate most of his rotation and them come back to it. It is exceptional to see a milonguero dancing facing forward in the direction of the line of dance.

4. Use the “free zone” and the width of the line of dance.

Initiate ocho cortado, right hand turns or left hand turns from the “free zone”. Use the width of the line of dance to complete your rotation . Then come back to your initial position after an even number of half rotation. Also, note that you can take a back step when you face the outside wall, it will make you travel further inside the floor and not against the line of dance. As long as you can keep your back step inside the width of the line of dance you should be safe from bumping into someone.

5. Lead the follower to step into you and walk into her to exchange space.

Considering the couple as one entity, it is important to know how to dance just exchanging space between partners. Make the follower dance into your space and dance into her space. You will save space and be able to dance in a reduced space.

6. Make your turns on the spot.

If you can visit Buenos Aires, admire how milongueros (I think in particular of one milonguero called Abel) can make a full right turn inside the width of their shoulders in a smooth, musical and clean manner. A tip to make it smaller, initiate the turns with upward energy more then circular energy and step outside of your partner foot and not inside.

7. “Rotacion y despues traslacion” (Turn then move)

Cacho summed up the basic of the art of milonguear: you turn and rotate to wait for the couple in front to move. Once they cleared some space in front of you, you move to take that space. And you do it all over again. Easy!

8. Check the floor around you while you turn.

I feel sorry, if it is obvious to you but I still see so many leaders dancing without checking what’s going on around them. Japanese men seems prone to that kind of behavior. And I know what I’m talking about, I’ve been dancing in Tokyo 2 years… Some leaders even dance ignoring totally the crowd around them and are offended when they bumped into someone!

9. Take the space in front of you and don’t slow the traffic down.

We all know how it feels to dance behind a couple who doesn’t move: dancing becomes more difficult and we get impatient. So don’t do to other what you don’t want them to do to you. Don’t be the one slowing down the traffic. Take the space opened in front of you! That space is yours because the leader in front of you won’t step back!

10. Use floor corners, entrance or holes in the traffic to dance bigger.

It allows you and your partner to relax and give you an opportunity to do that move you love so much.

11. Don’t fight for limited space.

Do not push, hit or bump into other couples even when there is no space! The floor isn’t expandable.

12. Be patient and wait for the flow to move.

Unless the couple in front doesn’t respect rule 9)… In which case you need to find a way to make him understand that he can move on.

13. Limit your choreography to safe moves.

Too many dancers, on top of not caring for others around them, feel over-confident about their tango. When the floor is packed, some moves can’t be done in a safe way any more, strike them through from your list and play safe until the space clears.

14. Express the music with your chest…like a milonguero.

Many dancers (especially nuevo or salon dancers) complain that they can’t express the music anymore once the space is limited. This is because their tango is focused on expressing music through steps and/or the variety of steps. Milonguero style is all about dancing and expressing the music through your chest more than through the steps. The musical nuances that can be expressed are endless even with a limited number of steps.

As a conclusion, I invite you to read Cacho’s articles: “The tango and trapeze acts” and “Brief definition of a milonguero”. Because social tango dancing isn’t a fight for space and attention, but rather a musical hug you share with your partner and a good time you spend beside friends on the dance floor.

Most of the tips in this post apply primarily to leaders. It is fair since leaders are in charge of navigation & choreography. But it is equally important for women to know how to “milonguear bien”. And it’s a true pleasure to dance with a careful milonguera. Here in Buenos Aires, I enjoy dancing every week with Betty, a local milonguera. Her sens of “milonguear” is amazing. She can dance on crowded floors with musicality and dynamic without ever bumping into anyone. How to “milonguear bien” for women is definitely worth another post.

But What Does “Milonguear” Mean?

Isaac talked about navigating well & caring for others on the floor, preserving the social dancing experience. Royce in her previous post talked about dancing small. I agree with both of them but milonguear is much more than good navigation, caring & dancing small.

Let me tell you about Cachirulo first!

Cachirulo is the milonga I’m enjoying most in Buenos Aires. It takes place at Plaza Bohemia, calle Maipu 444, every Saturday from 6PM to 2AM. Hector & Norma, the organizers, pay a lot of attention to details in order to offer the best dancing experience to all.

Norma welcomes you and Hector sits you (more or less according to your dancing level or popularity). Two sides of the room are entirely dedicated to ladies and less than 2 sides to men. The seating is organized by Hector to allow for easy “mirada” and “cabeceo”. The floor is rather small about 72 m² (12 m x 6 m). But the place can accommodate around 160 people. Needless to say that between 9 PM & 1 AM, the floor is usually extremely crowded.

The most famous milongueros of Buenos Aires go there on Saturday because the level of social dancing and the navigation are among the best in town nowadays. Nino Bien, Salon Canning end even Club Sunderland have become “circus” over the past few years, making it unpleasant to dance.

I said Cachirulo had been “hijacked” by terrible dancers. What do I mean ? And who were the “hijackers”?

“Hijacked” means that for 3 hours, the floor turned into a “battle field” where it was simply impossible to dance a tanda without any bump. And I used “hijacked” because most of the milongueros who were there stopped dancing (and so did I) for few hours and we watched helplessly with anger and frustration the chaos of the dance floor.

The “hijackers” were of 2 kinds: few local dancers unfamiliar with the place (it was Easter weekend…) but, mainly, foreign dancers (maybe part of the CITA crowd). In both case they shared a singular ignorance of the codes of the milonga (los codigos de la milonga) and a total absence of consideration and care for others.

The floor was such a mess that Hector had to ask Carlos Rey, the DJ, to remind people about the “codigos of the milonga”, twice that evening.

For those unfamiliar with the “codigos” they are:

1. Do not step backward
2. Keep your line of dance
3. Keep your feet on the floor at any time

These are what I would call the “obvious” codes of the milonga. Obvious for some of us but ignored by more and more dancers. I will refresh your memories on these codes first, then in part 2, I will add others which I drew from my own dancing experience, careful observations of the dance floor and discussions with Cacho Dante and some dancing friends. Those codes, I will call the “hidden codes” of the milonga. Respecting both the obvious and hidden codes will help you, I hope, to “milonguear” better.

Los Obvios Codigos De La Milonga (the obvious codes of the milonga)

1) Do not step backward

For the comprehension, I would add “against the line of dance”. We will see in part 2 how you can step backward in a crowded milonga. This is the most important rule and yet many dancers can’t help but taking regularly a back step against the line of dance. Back stepping against the line of dance will inevitably have 3 negative effects:

• It will cause some bumpings
• It will disturb the navigation of the following couple because the dance of the front couple becomes unpredictable and cut into their available dancing space
• The turbulence created to the following couple will propagate to at least 1 or 2 other couples further back as their dancing becomes unpredictable too.

There is a simple way to avoid stepping back against the line of dance and I will discuss it in part 2 “the hidden codes”.

2) Keep your line of dance

Keeping your line of dance means “do not cross over to another line of dance”: to the inside line when you dance outside or to the outside line when you dance inside. Keep your dancing inside the line you chose and dance small. A simple image will help you picture the mess a change of lane can create: imagine yourself on the highway with a car in front of you permanently changing lanes or permanently overlapping on 2 lanes. How would it affect your own driving? In the same way, a dancer not keeping his line of dance is a social dancing nuisance.

3) Keep your feet on the floor

This rule applies to both men and women but has a special importance for ladies. Do not take your feet off the floor or fly your legs in order to avoid hurting people around you. High heels can cut and pierce easily into the foot of another dancer. Milongueras with experience know how to keep their embellishment low and compact when the floor is crowded. Also the leader should be careful not leading a boleo to the lady that could make her kick a table or harm someone.

These 3 codes are the guarantee of an enjoyable social dancing experience. However, if the codes tell you WHAT to do or what not to do, they don’t really tell you HOW you can dance in a small space and enjoy, with your partner and the other couples, the music and the dance. For the Hows see part 2 “the hidden codes”.

So to “milonguear”, how small we are talking about? Just to give you an idea. Last week I danced 2 valses with a milonguero. It was during the peak hour of the milonga, the floor was very packed. We finished 1 vals in 2 meters. So after 2 vals, we progressed only 4 meters on the dance floor. Like many dancers, he liked to use giros (turns) in his vals. Even in such a small space, he could still execute his giros, without bumping into anybody. For me, he was and definitely can “dance small”.

Of course, “milonguear” is not only about dancing small. But dancing small is definitely one of the most important techniques to “milonguear”. It is not only a technique; it’s also an art. Many dancers don’t like to dance small (even if they can do so); because they feel it limits their expression and possibilities (step-wise), and thus destroys or minimizes their pleasure of dancing. My point of view is, to be able to dance small with your partner, and be able to do pretty much everything you want to in a small space is a matter of technique; but to be able to ENJOY what you do and EXPRESS yourself in a compact and small manner is an art.